How to Save a Life
by DarkestTinkerbell
Summary: Rachel has fallen victim to the blade's siren call. Everything is just too much for her to handle anymore, so she has turned to the one thing will give her comfort. What will happen when the HBIC, Quinn Fabray, finds out about Rachel's secret? Will she use to just torment the tiny diva even more than normal, or will she surprise everyone, including herself? Read to find out.
1. Prologue

**A/N: **This story contains self harm, depressing/suicidal thoughts, and an attempted suicide. If you are easily triggered by any of these, I advise you not to read this story. It will also be femslash, so if that's not your cup of tea, then do not read this story. This is my first attempt at a Glee fic. Pairings will include: Faberry, Brittana, and Klaine.

**Prologue**

I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be in this position. I never thought I would become a statistic. I was supposed to be a star, supposed to be special, bigger and better than this town, bigger and better than these Lima Losers. In the end though, I'm no better than them, I'm not even good enough to be a Lima Loser. Every day I would plaster that stupid fake smile on my face, and pretend to be okay, pretend to not be falling apart at the seams, pretend that their words and actions don't hurt when in reality they were slowly killing me on the inside. Sometimes I wish someone had noticed how much pain I'm in, but soon it won't matter. Nothing will matter.

I stare at the cuts and scars that mar my arms and legs, as I wonder what it will feel like to end it all. I slowly bring my blade to lay gently against the skin of my wrists. Every time I had done this in the last few months, I was careful. I didn't want anyone to find out just how far the star had fallen, but now it won't make a difference if they know. I'll be gone by the time they realize how deep my pain ran.

My steel escape flashes in the light, almost as if daring me to get a move on and finish it already. The temptation soon becomes too much to ignore, not that I want to anyway. I press the sharp blade deep into my skin, sighing as I feel the familiar bite I've relied on to get through the days lately. I slowly start to drag the edge across my wrist, watching as the blood bubbles to the surface, and spills down my hand to drip to the floor. I slide down the wall next to the door leading to my room as the feeling sets in. It's a wonderful, yet terrible feeling. Knowing that you have to physically hurt yourself just to feel. I wish I had never made the first cut, but sometimes I'm glad I did. I transfer my blood stained friend from my right hand to my left to make an identical incision on my right wrist.

I start to feel as if I'm floating. I drop the crimson cloaked razor to the floor as I watch the rivers of red flow, staining the pristine white tile of my bathroom floor an ugly red. Just as my vision starts to blur and darken, I vaguely hear footsteps running up the stairs. The pounding feet get closer and closer until they stop just outside the bathroom door. The door handle jiggles as the person tries to open it. I'm happy to have had the forethought to lock the door, before starting. I hear them curse lightly when they realize the door is locked.

"Rachel?' I freeze when I recognize who is outside the door.

"No, no, no. Go away." I manage to whisper. They breathe a sigh of relief when they hear me.

"Open the door, Rach." They command lightly. I flinch at the nickname.

"No. Just go away. This is what you all wanted, isn't it? So just go away." By now my vision is getting darker, and the pool of red I'm sitting in is growing by the second.

"Fine. We'll do it the hard way then." I don't even have time to wonder what they mean before I hear a loud bang and the door flew open to reveal the person behind the door. I close my eyes as I feel myself drifting farther and farther away from the world.

"Oh god no. Rachel look at me please. Please. Just stay awake. Talk to me. Tell me you hate me, just please be okay. Please." I can hear the tears in their voice. I hear them rummaging around in drawers and cabinets while talking to someone. I can't hear what they're saying, because its like I have cotton in my ears. The next thing I know I feel them wrapping something around both of my wrists. I crack my eyes open to see a towel wrapped around each wrist, both becoming saturated with my blood quickly. I struggle weakly to get away from my "savior" but soon realize its pointless.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel." Is the last thing I heat before I finally feel the darkness consume me.

**A/N: **So what did you think? Good? Terrible? Alright? Shoot me a review and let me know.

Thanks,

Tink


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I just wanted to give you guys some background information before we get to the first chapter:

1. Rachel and Finn never got together.  
2. Beth never happened.  
3. Quinn and Finn did date but broke up.  
4. This story is not set within the show. It's an AU. They are all juniors though in case you were wondering.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee. I just borrowed the characters for my own amusement.

**(RPOV)**

_I was lying on my side in bed, and I could feel strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I could tell that my bed mate was still sleeping. I could feel their deep even breaths hitting the back of my neck as they nuzzled their face in my hair. I knew this had to be a dream, because no one would ever hold me like this in reality. They all hate me. I was so peaceful and content, that I had no desire to wake up. I just snuggled farther into the sleeping person's arms, and she tightened her hold on me. I had a hunch as to who was holding me, but I didn't want to turn around for fear of disturbing the good feeling of the dream. I just wanted to stay like this forever. I sighed knowing I would be waking up soon since I could already feel the dream slipping away and my body beginning to regain consciousness. _

Beep. Beep. Beep. I reached over to smack my alarm clock to shut it up before getting up and heading to my en suite to begin my not so new morning routine. Instead of wasting my time and energy on my elliptical, I mark my body with scars. I grabbed my razorblade and lifted it to the skin of my left forearm. I hate myself for needing to do this, and sometimes I wish I had never made the first cut, but it's the only thing that makes me feel alive. I can watch myself bleed and know that even though everything is falling apart, that I'm falling apart I can still _feel. _I still have control over something, when it feels like my whole life is spiraling out of control. Thoughts are whirling around my head and it's like my head is going to burst from the pressure.

_I'm disgusting. _A red slash appears. I don't stop to watch the blood bubble to the surface.

_I'm a freak. _Another slash.

_I'm annoying._ Cut. _I'm loud. _Cut. _I dress weird. _Cut. I stop there just to watch the red liquid run from my body, the pressure in my head lessening. I know I should be disgusted by what I did but what are five more scars to the many that already litter my arms and legs?

I check the time only to find that I have just under thirty minutes to get ready and get to school unless I want to be late. I hurriedly clean up after myself before throwing on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. When I got downstairs I snatched my keys and my bag up, looking around the cold empty house. I sighed as I locked the door behind me and then got in my car.

I parked in the student lot and started on my way to my first period. However, as soon as I had walked into the school I was hit with a slushie. I barely felt the cold stinging slap of the icy beverage. The laughter surrounding me didn't even register. I didn't even lift my head to see who had thrown it at me. It doesn't matter and I don't care. I just kept walking to my locker to grab my emergency slushie kit, and put my books away. Then I went to the nearest bathroom and checked all the stalls to make sure I was alone before locking the door behind me so I could get started on the process I know so well.

I had just slipped my new sweatshirt on when someone began banging on the door.

"Berry open the fucking door. I have to pee." Of course it just has to be Santana. You know I think there is a higher power that loves to make my life hell.

I walked to the door and unlocked it before pulling it open to see Santana standing there with a scowl on her face. As soon as she saw the door was open she barreled in and went straight to a stall to relive herself while I made my escape. I really didn't feel like going to class but I knew people would notice if Rachel "Perfect Attendance" Berry skipped class. I really didn't want my teachers to get suspicious and try to call my dads. Suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck prickled with the sensation of being watched, but when I glanced around to see if I could find the source, no one was looking my way. I shrugged and just kept walking to my class, but the feeling didn't dissipate until I walked into the classroom.

At the end of class I had no idea what we had learned. When the bell rang I was up and out the door, which was a bad idea. I was once again greeted by the ice cold slap of a slushie. I sighed as I grabbed another change of clothes and went to the bathroom, not noticing that I forgot to lock the door behind me. My bandage was soaked through with slushie and I knew I needed to change it if I didn't want to take a chance of my cuts getting infected.

I had just finished rebandaging my arm and was in the process of pulling another hoodie on when the door swung open. _Please don't be Santana again. _I caught sight of the red, black, and white uniform, and I felt like banging my head against the wall. I let my eyes travel from the uniform to the girl who was wearing it, and when I caught the hazel eyes of the blonde cheerleader standing there I wanted to scream. Do you see what I mean about that higher power liking to make my life hell? Why did it have to be Quinn fucking Fabray? Why? Her eyes were glued to the stark white bandage, so I quickly finished pulling the jacket over my head before gathering my things to head off to my next class. However, as I tried to push past her, since she was standing in front of the door, the head Cheerio reached out and grasped the wrist of my uninjured arm stopping me. I forcefully yanked my arm away from her grasp as we stared at each other. She finally broke the silence.

"What happened to your arm Berry?" Ha! As if she cares. She's only asking because she wants more ammunition to torture me with. I tell her what really happened, she tells Santana, and then the whole school knows. They would all laugh and make fun of the pathetic girl who cuts herself just to feel something other than humiliation and loneliness. I just continue to stare at her, making no effort to answer and hoping she would just let it drop. Of course I'm not that lucky.

"Well?" She snapped as something unreadable flashed in her eyes. It almost looked like concern until I remembered she hates me, so why would she be concerned about me? I realized though that she would not let me leave until I gave her an answer, so that's what I did.

"I fell the other day and scraped my arm pretty badly. Now if you'll excuse me I have a class to get to." I waited hoping she would accept the lie and just let me go. She stared at me as if searching for something before finally moving out of my way. I rushed out, missing the way hazel eyes watched me and the frown directed at my back.

I actually made it more than one period before getting slushied for the third time today. It didn't happen until lunch as I was heading to the auditorium. After being slushied I made a detour to my locker to get yet another change of clothes. I would have to refill my kit with more outfits since this was the last one. I once again found myself in an empty bathroom, making sure to lock the door this time, and as I stared at my reflection I broke down. I just couldn't hold in the tears anymore. I peeled my cold sticky hoodie and shirt from my body and let them drop to the floor before doing the same with my bandage that was once again soaked with slushie. I grabbed the plastic baggie from inside my backpack and slid down the wall to bury my face in my knees as I cried.

I cried for the slushies. I cried for the names. I cried for the friends I wish I had. I cried for the empty house I go home to everyday. I cried for what I'm about to do. I cried for all the scars on my body. I cried for the mess my life is. I cried for the self hatred. I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. When my tears finally ran dry I extracted the razorblade from the baggie I had taken out. The pressure was building in my head again and I knew of only one way to release it. I pressed the blade into my skin over and over until I knew I had to stop. As I watched the blood I observed what I had etched into my own skin.

FREAK. The word practically screamed at me from my skin. I quickly cleaned up and put everything back in my bag before rewrapping my bandage and getting changed into the dry clothes from my locker.

I thought about skipping the rest of the day and just going back to the house but then I remembered glee met after school today. Missing that would just create a whole big mess I didn't need or want. I sighed as I resigned myself to staying at school when all I really wanted was to be alone.

I left the bathroom as the warning bell rang, and headed to my next class. As I was walking down the hall, the same feeling of being watched returned, but just like earlier when I looked I didn't see anyone paying me any attention. I shook my head thinking I was just being paranoid, yet again missing the way concerned hazel eyes watched my every move. As I sat down in class I couldn't help but think that I couldn't wait for this day to be over.

**A/N: **Well that was the first real chapter. What did you think? Should I continue? You know the drill. Review and let me know

Thanks,

Tink


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